sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
