so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
