Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..

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(801): View more from Utah

I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...

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(316): View more from Kansas

its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse

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(561): View more from Florida

This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!

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(614): View more from Ohio

The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"

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(845): View more from New York

I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

This might be the worst thing you've ever done.

(281): View more from Texas

Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good

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