I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
