I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
