I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Do vagina's smell?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
