what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
