i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
