Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
