I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
