do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
