He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
