At least make sure they are 18
Why
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
