i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
