You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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