we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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