Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
