there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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