Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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