dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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