quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
