I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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