I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We are all done wearing pants today
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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