Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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