***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
