I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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