you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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