i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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