STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
