I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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