But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just forgot I was standing up.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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