OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
