I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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