So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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