This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
