Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
