What a fucking waste of an outfit
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
