note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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