I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
