Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
