I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
