I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
