I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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