So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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