so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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