I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
