2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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