That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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