The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Enjoy the penises
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
