why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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