Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
