he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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